in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
