Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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