I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
