And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
