Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
