I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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