May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize