Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
