You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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