it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
