Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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