it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
