The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
