if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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