Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize