I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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