you would pick up someone in the library
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
