i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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