Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
