im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
