"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
