doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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