Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize