with your own penis?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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