Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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