Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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