Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
