I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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