let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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