So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
