my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
