he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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