I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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