Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
