FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
