I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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