i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
