Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
