did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I looked at my own cervix.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize