tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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