shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
two words...techno handjob
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
