If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
