my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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