She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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