Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
