I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
