so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
