am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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