He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
