all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
