Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
