You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize