cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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