WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
