he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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