I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
