my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
