Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
