How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize