You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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