I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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