Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
