Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
