i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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