Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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