I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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