This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
