I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
