Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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