the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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