Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
