I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
