Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
