i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's never too late to be topless.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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