it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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