My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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